Did you see that email

Boss: Did you see the email with the links that worker A sent to the client?

Me: No. I was not cc'ed.

Boss: Ok, I'll send you the email. The email has a bunch of links in there, did you see the email?

Me:....no....

My boss replies in a very frustrated tone:
Boss: Of course you didn't see it! I'm going to send you the email first!

Big mistake

My boss was speaking loudly in the office to a co-worker.

Boss: We have to do this fast because tomorrow I'm not coming in.

A silent cheer goes throughout the office. Cheers for a day of sanity!

What are you doing now?

My boss assigns me to start on some preliminary designs for a new client when I have downtime. Later in the day after finishing all my other tasks, I get a call...

Boss: What are you doing now?

Me: Working on the preliminary designs for the new client.

Boss: I just sent you an email for new work why aren't you doing that instead!?

Me: Because you *just* emailed it to me.

Boss: Oh...ok.

How rude!

My boss comes over to my station.

Boss: Where did the developers mess up on the design?

Me: Well the background is....My boss just leaves without a word in the middle of my sentence. She came all the way to talk to me and just leaves in the middle...

You need to follow up

Boss: Have you ever finished project x?  I forgot to follow up with you and you never get back to me about the status.  In the future, you need to let me know.

Me: I sent you the project x files on Friday. I forwarded that email to you in this one. You probably missed it.

The email was even time stamped on Friday.

Boss: I only see Thursday. (I didn't even send anything to her on Thursday!)  Did you not make any update on Friday?

Me: The date on the file shows it was completed on Friday.

Boss: Next time put the file in the date you made it so we are not confused.
Because looking at the date of the file or email that it was in is too intelligent.

What do you mean you don't know!

Boss: What's the size of that image?

Me: What image?

Boss: On project x!

Me: There were like 200 images there, and anyway this project was completed about 6 months ago, I'd need to check the file to know.

Boss: What do you mean you don't know!?

This is like someone asking you what you had for breakfast 6 months ago.

Send me by email.

I emailed my boss a new logo design. It was embedded in the email and attached. My boss replies...

Boss: Send me by email.

I sent it!

My boss comes over my shoulder.

Boss: I sent you an email about project x yesterday pull it up.

Me: I didn't get any emails from you yesterday.
I pull up my email client and show her all my emails from the day before.

Boss: Ok, but I sent it.

Me: Ok, but I don't have it.

Boss: John sent it to you.

Me: Well as you can see he didn't send it either.

Boss: The client sent it to everyone in the company.

Me: And as you can see I didn't get it.

Turns out after my boss checked her own email folders, no one ever sent this email to me.

You're done right?

I send over a flash banner ad to my boss for approval. One banner typically takes about 2 hours to complete. My boss approves it, 3 minutes later...

Boss: Are you done with the next banner?

Me: No....I just started on it.

Boss: Oh...ok....

You said stealing is ok!

Boss: I want the website to look exactly like this other one here.

Me: I can't make it exactly the same since there would be a copyright issue. However, if you like the colors or fonts we can reuse those.

Boss: Ok, sounds good.

1 week later after the designs have been submitted for approval.

Boss: You said you're going to make the website exactly the same as the website I pointed out to you!

Me: Like I said before, we can't do exactly the same thing, you wouldn't want them suing you, would you?

Boss: But you said there would be no problem before! I have a very good memory, I remember you saying that.

Share your story

If you have a crazy boss and would like to share your story with the sane people, feel free to leave it as a comment here and I will make a post with credits to you (no name necessary).