Boss: Send the email to the developer.
Me: Uhh ok, about what?
Boss: Tell him to fix the video for project x and cc me.
I send the email out. 5 minutes later I get an email from my boss.
Boss: Ok good.
5 minutes later...
Boss: You need to hurry and send that email already!
Me: I sent it like 15 minutes ago.
Boss: Didn't you see my email you have to cc me!
Me: I did.
Boss: Send me again, I don’t have it.
THE PAGE
My boss calls me up.
Boss: Ok you see on this image and the text above it.
Me: Sorry what? What project are you talking about?
Boss: LOOK at the image and the text.
Me:....Which project are you referring to...?
Boss: Website x!!!!
Me: Ok which page? (Every page has an image)
Boss: Website X!!!!
Me: (I take a random guess on a page) Are you referring to page x?
Boss: YES which other page would I be referring to???
Oh I don't know - any of the ~20 other pages that we have?
2 minutes later I hear my co-worker picking up the phone, the first thing my co-worker says is, "Which page are you talking about?".
2 minutes later I get a call from her...
Boss: Remember that html page you did?
I don't code at this job I only design.
Me: What page are you talking about?
Boss: OH MY GOD!(She says this in frustration that I don't know which one she is referring to) THE PAGE THAT YOU DESIGNED!
Me: Ok...for which project...?
Boss: Project Y! Project Y!
Me: Ok and which page...?
Boss: THE ONE THAT YOU DID!
Boss: Ok you see on this image and the text above it.
Me: Sorry what? What project are you talking about?
Boss: LOOK at the image and the text.
Me:....Which project are you referring to...?
Boss: Website x!!!!
Me: Ok which page? (Every page has an image)
Boss: Website X!!!!
Me: (I take a random guess on a page) Are you referring to page x?
Boss: YES which other page would I be referring to???
Oh I don't know - any of the ~20 other pages that we have?
2 minutes later I hear my co-worker picking up the phone, the first thing my co-worker says is, "Which page are you talking about?".
2 minutes later I get a call from her...
Boss: Remember that html page you did?
I don't code at this job I only design.
Me: What page are you talking about?
Boss: OH MY GOD!(She says this in frustration that I don't know which one she is referring to) THE PAGE THAT YOU DESIGNED!
Me: Ok...for which project...?
Boss: Project Y! Project Y!
Me: Ok and which page...?
Boss: THE ONE THAT YOU DID!
We have to be consistent!
Boss: Your text in the design is too big - we have to be consistent like the current clients designs.
Me: Actually the size is exactly the same.
Boss: That's impossible, it's too big make it smaller.
(I compared it pixel to pixel just in case and the size was exactly the same - I made it smaller, sent it back and she was happy)
Me: Actually the size is exactly the same.
Boss: That's impossible, it's too big make it smaller.
(I compared it pixel to pixel just in case and the size was exactly the same - I made it smaller, sent it back and she was happy)
I want it done retroactively!
Boss: I want you to put file x into folder x on the server did you put it in yet?
Me: No, you just asked me to put it in.
Me: No, you just asked me to put it in.
SEND IT
My boss comes over to my station while I'm just about to wrap up a project.
Boss: Did you finish it yet?
Me: Almost done.
Boss: Ok good send it.
Me: Yup soon as I save it.
Boss: Send it send send send!
Me:....Just let me save out a jpg and I can send it.
Boss: Send send send send!
Boss: Did you finish it yet?
Me: Almost done.
Boss: Ok good send it.
Me: Yup soon as I save it.
Boss: Send it send send send!
Me:....Just let me save out a jpg and I can send it.
Boss: Send send send send!
The importance of English class
I get an email from my boss on my next task.
Boss: No there. We need to make changes tomorrow.
There was no prior discussion, call or anything. I work on several projects daily. Thanks, now I know exactly what to do.
Boss: No there. We need to make changes tomorrow.
There was no prior discussion, call or anything. I work on several projects daily. Thanks, now I know exactly what to do.
Don't listen to me
Boss: I know you have a schedule in which we gave you to follow but I need you to spend a few hours to work first on project x and y first.
Me: Ok.
Boss: Yes so do those projects first because they are very urgent then follow your schedule.
(My schedule was already book until the next day)
Me: Ok.
Boss: But you shouldn't listen to what I just said follow your schedule first. Don't listen to me.
Me:...Ok....
Me: Ok.
Boss: Yes so do those projects first because they are very urgent then follow your schedule.
(My schedule was already book until the next day)
Me: Ok.
Boss: But you shouldn't listen to what I just said follow your schedule first. Don't listen to me.
Me:...Ok....
How not to version
Boss: Why did you change the version number in the file name!?
Me: Because we made a change to the file - and it was a pretty big one too.
Boss: DON'T change the version number in the file, we already gave it to the client. If we change the version number they're going to get confused and I'm going to get confused.
Me: Because we made a change to the file - and it was a pretty big one too.
Boss: DON'T change the version number in the file, we already gave it to the client. If we change the version number they're going to get confused and I'm going to get confused.
The worst versioning system invented by mankind
Boss: You're using a bad naming system for this file(a design)! Use project_7a.
2 minutes later...
Boss: Ok I want another version with a different picture, name it project_7a1
1 minute later...
Boss: Ok good, now I want it with a slightly different button color, name it project_7a2
1 minute later...
Boss: I like the button but I want another image variation in the design,name it project_7a21
Uhhh what??? So what happens if we go through client requested changes on project_7a2 and it goes to project_7a20...we skip to 22???
30 seconds later...
Boss: Why did you listen to me!? That doesn't make sense! Make it project_7a2a.
2 minutes later...
Boss: Ok I want another version with a different picture, name it project_7a1
1 minute later...
Boss: Ok good, now I want it with a slightly different button color, name it project_7a2
1 minute later...
Boss: I like the button but I want another image variation in the design,name it project_7a21
Uhhh what??? So what happens if we go through client requested changes on project_7a2 and it goes to project_7a20...we skip to 22???
30 seconds later...
Boss: Why did you listen to me!? That doesn't make sense! Make it project_7a2a.
Are you even listening?
I was working on an image that had two backgrounds. A deep blue as the outer background and a pure white inner background that had text on it. Similar to this blog where you have the silver/red on the outside and a white inner box for the text.
My boss calls me up....
Boss: I want you to take this image and blend it into the background.
Me: Ok, which background are you referring to the blue or the white?
(There was not enough room to really blend it in the white so it wasn't obvious)
Boss: What are you talking about there's only one background! Just blend it with the background!
Me: Ok - the outer background is blue the inner one where the text is on top is white....which background?
Boss: Are we looking at the same image here, there is only ONE background! Just blend it with the background! Okay, open up this file x on the server....
Me: Ok it's open. (The same exact one that was open before)
Boss: You see, just blend it with the background.
Me: (sigh)....you see the white background where the text is on top of?
Boss: No. Can you please come to my office so I can show you?
It turns out we were both looking at exactly the same image. I had to point with my finger at each background before she understood.
My boss calls me up....
Boss: I want you to take this image and blend it into the background.
Me: Ok, which background are you referring to the blue or the white?
(There was not enough room to really blend it in the white so it wasn't obvious)
Boss: What are you talking about there's only one background! Just blend it with the background!
Me: Ok - the outer background is blue the inner one where the text is on top is white....which background?
Boss: Are we looking at the same image here, there is only ONE background! Just blend it with the background! Okay, open up this file x on the server....
Me: Ok it's open. (The same exact one that was open before)
Boss: You see, just blend it with the background.
Me: (sigh)....you see the white background where the text is on top of?
Boss: No. Can you please come to my office so I can show you?
It turns out we were both looking at exactly the same image. I had to point with my finger at each background before she understood.
I don't even...
I was creating a design for a project and had two variations. Variation 1 has a border around a button and variation 2 has a gradient instead of a border. I explained the differences clearly to my boss.
Boss: Ok so variation 1 has a border and 2 has a gradient, right?
Me: Yes.
Boss: Ok well we don't need a gradient so lets go with version 2.
Me: Version 2 has the gradient, you want to go with it?
Boss: Yes.
Boss: Ok so variation 1 has a border and 2 has a gradient, right?
Me: Yes.
Boss: Ok well we don't need a gradient so lets go with version 2.
Me: Version 2 has the gradient, you want to go with it?
Boss: Yes.
OKAY?
My phone rings and as I pick it up I hear my boss talking to me, she probably started talking before she finished dialing my number.
Boss, "...........Make the font bigger on version 3 and 9 exactly like on version 4. Also rename the version 9 to version 5."
I took a guess on whatever it was she said before I got a chance to put the phone to my ear.
Me, "We already have a version 5, are you sure you want me to replace it?"
Boss, "Yes and make the font of version 3 and 9 a bit bigger."
Sensing that she changed her mind already I decided to double check with her.
Me, "Yes, you wanted it just like version 4 right?"
Boss, "NO!!! That's WAY too big! Make it only a little bigger. Make 3 and 9 a little bigger okay?"
Me, "Ok."
Boss, "So make 3 and 9 bigger ok you have to make 3 and 9 bigger not like 4 but only a little bigger okay? 3 and 9. Okay?"
Me, "Ok."
Short silence....
Boss, "Ok make changes to 3 and 9 okay?"
Another short silence with me trying to control the rage....
Me, "Ok."
Boss, "Ok, by...."
She hung up on her own "bye".
Boss, "...........Make the font bigger on version 3 and 9 exactly like on version 4. Also rename the version 9 to version 5."
I took a guess on whatever it was she said before I got a chance to put the phone to my ear.
Me, "We already have a version 5, are you sure you want me to replace it?"
Boss, "Yes and make the font of version 3 and 9 a bit bigger."
Sensing that she changed her mind already I decided to double check with her.
Me, "Yes, you wanted it just like version 4 right?"
Boss, "NO!!! That's WAY too big! Make it only a little bigger. Make 3 and 9 a little bigger okay?"
Me, "Ok."
Boss, "So make 3 and 9 bigger ok you have to make 3 and 9 bigger not like 4 but only a little bigger okay? 3 and 9. Okay?"
Me, "Ok."
Short silence....
Boss, "Ok make changes to 3 and 9 okay?"
Another short silence with me trying to control the rage....
Me, "Ok."
Boss, "Ok, by...."
She hung up on her own "bye".
(OMG OKAY)
The world is flat
A project I'm working on needed an ad and has a tagline mentioning make a "mark on the world". So I use a partially visible globe in the background.
My boss, "This client only likes old fashioned things remember?"
I jokingly respond, "I'm not sure how you can display an old fashioned globe, I mean, unless you want a picture of a flat planet?"
Boss, "Right."
My boss, "This client only likes old fashioned things remember?"
I jokingly respond, "I'm not sure how you can display an old fashioned globe, I mean, unless you want a picture of a flat planet?"
Boss, "Right."
Wait, what?
My boss calls me up.
"On project x make such and such changes on version 1, 2, remove version 3, I don't like it. And make these changes also on version 4 and 6 and 3."
I reply, "Wait so do you want me to remove version 3 or make changes on it?"
"Are you paying attention? I said make the changes on version 3!"
"On project x make such and such changes on version 1, 2, remove version 3, I don't like it. And make these changes also on version 4 and 6 and 3."
I reply, "Wait so do you want me to remove version 3 or make changes on it?"
"Are you paying attention? I said make the changes on version 3!"
Keep that folder open!
As I'm working on new projects, my boss comes over and says in the most vaguest of possible ways, "You need to update that project." I work on multiple projects at any given moment.
I ask her, "Which project are you talking about?"
She tells finally tells me after seemingly much thought about which project she is talking about. She then asks me to open up the folder on my computer in which this project is in which has a few files in there. As soon as I open up the folder she walks away and starts yelling at a co-worker her thoughts out loud.
"So Bob(all names are fake)! We need to change... (such and such) for this project right?!"
Bob replies yes.
My boss beckons my co-worker over to my station. She then repeats everything she just said once Bob comes over. Bob again replies yes those are the changes. My boss has a habit of repeating herself, many, many times.
While she is repeating herself to Bob I open up my to-do-list and type her *new* task in. Immediately she starts tapping hard on my shoulder and freaks out at me yelling, "why did you close the folder! Pull it back up!"...She was way too far to read the text on my screen but all she saw was that the folder was not there. I put the folder back up. She looks away from my screen and continues to repeat herself to Bob.
Once she's done talking with Bob she turns to me and again repeats what she was saying to him right in front of me. (Uhh hello I heard you 5 times already - you were talking RIGHT NEXT TO ME!). So finishes talking to me and asks if I understood everything, I say yes. She then goes on to tell it to me all over again and asks me again if I understood. I reply yes, this goes on 3-4 times until she finally leaves.
I ask her, "Which project are you talking about?"
She tells finally tells me after seemingly much thought about which project she is talking about. She then asks me to open up the folder on my computer in which this project is in which has a few files in there. As soon as I open up the folder she walks away and starts yelling at a co-worker her thoughts out loud.
"So Bob(all names are fake)! We need to change... (such and such) for this project right?!"
Bob replies yes.
My boss beckons my co-worker over to my station. She then repeats everything she just said once Bob comes over. Bob again replies yes those are the changes. My boss has a habit of repeating herself, many, many times.
While she is repeating herself to Bob I open up my to-do-list and type her *new* task in. Immediately she starts tapping hard on my shoulder and freaks out at me yelling, "why did you close the folder! Pull it back up!"...She was way too far to read the text on my screen but all she saw was that the folder was not there. I put the folder back up. She looks away from my screen and continues to repeat herself to Bob.
Once she's done talking with Bob she turns to me and again repeats what she was saying to him right in front of me. (Uhh hello I heard you 5 times already - you were talking RIGHT NEXT TO ME!). So finishes talking to me and asks if I understood everything, I say yes. She then goes on to tell it to me all over again and asks me again if I understood. I reply yes, this goes on 3-4 times until she finally leaves.
We expect telepathic communication
My new co-worker, a project manager, sits right next to me. He was on a call with an important client. My boss comes over to me and starts asking me questions on what I'm doing. As soon as I try to reply she says, "SHHHH!!! Can't you see they're on a call with the client now!"
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